Things Your Single Friends Don’t Want to Hear on Valentine’s Day (or really....ever)

Oh well, it’s his loss, not yours. 

(This never helps. He surely doesn't think so….) 

He will come when you aren't looking.

(Because things always happen to those who sit around and wait for it..…) 

Online dating sounds like fun!

(How convenient you never had to resort to that option…) 

You are a catch! 

(So far….nobody wants to play…) 

I wish I could just make him appear. 

(That makes two of us….)

I don’t get it. 

(I don’t either…if I did we wouldn't be having this conversation) 

Valentine’s Day is nothing special, anyways. 

(Your social media accounts say otherwise….) 

But you have so much freedom to do whatever you want, I can’t. 

(WTF is this you can’t do what you want business? Yes you can…this is the UNITED STATES OF AMERICA. People die for your damn freedom every single day. Just do it-- I dare you!) 

You are just too picky. 

(So you would tolerate general dirtiness, lack of manners, and basically only wanting to get laid? I’ll just go ahead and lower my standards now…to the rock bottom)

I wish I was single sometimes. 

(Really? Because I don’t recall you EVER being single…..) 

You’re gonna meet someone tomorrow, I feel it. 

(Really? How so?) 

You have nobody else to worry about other than yourself 

(.....and nobody to worry about me either.....soo lucky!) 

He never listens to me any ways 

(…at least someone wants to be in your presence) 

Well you should have met him in college (usually comes from Mom...not friends)
(Well I didn't...so you're saying I'm f%$@#&?!?)

OMG this flower bouquet is huge…it’s embarrassing 

(….shut up bitch)


Happy #TeddyTuesday y'all!