I did it again.
I went MIA for way too long....but this time I actually have a somewhat justifiable reason for it.
So much happened. I was so busy, stressed, lost, sad.....I just didn't have time. Or make the time.
Or know what to say.
By now you probably know, but my little Teddy passed away May 5. That was hands-down the worst 7 days ever. It started with a message while I was away on a business trip. Mary told me he wouldn't make it, and I booked a last minute flight to Boston Friday. His funeral was the following Thursday. And it was brutal. I can't even string together words that seem to do any of that justice, so I just won't. But I will say thank you to everyone who reached out/texted/emailed/prayed/etc. I have been blown away by the support of my close friends and my blog friends who I have never met. Truly blown away. So is Mary. Please continue to reach out to her if you can/have been...she needs it.
People ask me if she is okay. What am I supposed to say? Because the answer is no, she's not. She will learn to deal with it in time, but she is not okay right now. Silly question, but I know it comes from a good place.
I still can't express how I feel about it. I used to be a firm believer that everything happened for a reason....and that keeping the faith would see me through the hard times. I struggle to find a reason why Teddy left this earth, why one of my best friends has to endure this pain. I am not going to lie, I don't have a lot of faith at all right now. I am hoping it comes back soon....but right now it just isn't there.
But this situation has reminded me the importance of family, friends and happiness. My life is full of a lot of happiness...and quite a bit of things that bring me down. Life is far too short for all of that. Time to cut the fat.
I am trying to get rid of those things that aren't good for me, and trying to do more of the things that make me happy. This blog is one of those things when it doesn't feel like a burden....it's my creative outlet to be myself and just have fun.
Time to go back to having more fun ;)
<3 and prayers and hugs. It's 100% okay to question your faith right now. I've done it multiple times, but just know God is there even when you're not sure.
ReplyDeletePraying for Mary and Alex.
I don't know you personally or through any friends but somehow I found your blog and ever since I came across Teddy Fish I could not stop reading. I followed Mary and all of her journal posts (because of you), I have shed many tears for a little angel I have never met. Teddy has touched so many lives from you and his family sharing his story. Thank you for sharing him and all of his smiles! He is adorable and he will never be forgotten. It's hard to have faith at this time but remember Teddy is watching over all of you and is flying high. Please know that our family is praying for all of you.
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